dear reader,
first up, now that we're in the post-crimbo slump, for those of you looking for ways to boost your writing and story ideas next year, i’ve got a new set of workshop dates available on my website from february 2024. check them out in january when some of your coins have been replenished! and if you're interested but might struggle to pay - contact me directly here for a subsidised place.
second. here we are again, at the end of another year. i've experienced a lot of home truths this year. i’ve given a lot of instruction via creative writing tutoring, and i've learnt a lot of really difficult lessons from engagement with certain family members, as mentioned in a previous post. there has been more emotional turmoil than i've had in a long while and if i’m honest, i am still reeling from it all.
i have a list of therapists to reach out to in 2024, my emotional resources now at dangerously low levels. and i’m ok with that. years ago asking for help was a mammoth task in itself for me, and my single-minded approach to my career took precedence.
but things are shifting. i think that's what naturally happens as you get older. you recognise what taking care of yourself looks like. what living a fulfilled life feels like, even if you're still just aspiring to that. and you spend less time worrying over all the ways you're inadequate when it comes to the people in your life.
ok, that last one is a lie.
i worry about not being good enough to my loved ones all the time. not replying for days to close friends messages. not checking in on the ageing elders and siblings as much as i should. not always being emotionally present for my partner. i've spent an inordinate amount of time this year worrying over these things actually. and sufficed to say, i am as ever, exhausted by it.
no one is perfect and it doesn't serve us to try and be.
i can either continue to fight with myself or do the work to accept all these different sides of me; the me that feels not good enough in exhaustion, the me that wants to go above and beyond for my students, the me that wants to plan for the future, for a family, the me that wants to write books until i can no longer hold a pen in my hand, and the me that no longer wants to be pulled back by childhood traumas and inadequate parental relationships.
so those are my small, simple hopes for 2024, i guess.
i think it's all achievable, with a little help. i hope yours are too, and that you don't have to approach them alone.
mb x